Slight Hope
by Kuroneko-sama07
Summary: Songfic, SetsunaxSara. "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional. Because of problems with their mom, Sara stays the night at Setsuna's place. He ponders their relationship and their feelings... Read and Review please!


Slight Hope

By Kuroneko-sama07

Rated PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Angel Sanctuary. It's way too cool to ever have my name behind it. LOL XD Oh, and I don't own the song "Vindicated" either. That, my friend, goes to Dashboard Confessional.

A/N: Hello, hello. starts singing "Come here, little kiddie, on my lap. Guess who's back with a brand new rap." Or...new fic...whatever. LOL Yes, I am here with my first ever Angel Sanctuary fic. Ya know, for the longest, I've had Angel Sanctuary posters up on my wall but I've never actually seen the series. Well, I figured it was time to change that. So I am now reading the manga! And it's awesome!

OK, this fic came to me in a dream. Yes, another fic inspired by a dream... This is really starting to scare me... lol Yeah, so, this is a short little songficcy about Setsuna and Sara. It's to the song "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional and it's from Setsuna's POV. Don't really know when this takes place...sometime in the beginning of the series when they are starting to realize their feelings for each other. Not much really happens between them in this fic; it's basically just Setsuna's pondering over the situation, but because it's still dealing with incest, PG-13 rating. Bit of language too. Alrighty, that's it. Hope ya'll enjoy this!

* * *

I sat down on the couch in my small apartment and turned the TV on, as if it would offer some consolidation for me. Flipping through the channels, I began to realize that that was a stupid assumption. No, I knew there was only one person that could ever help me... One person that could ever make me feel alright, but it's the one person I could never have. And besides, I'm sure she hates me now after all the terrible things I said to her...but I had to say them. I had to push her away before she got too close.

_Hope dangles on a string_

_Like slow-spinning redemption_

_Winding in and winding out_

_The shine of it has caught my eye_

I glanced over at the clock on the wall. 11:30pm. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I decided I should at least try to get some sleep. I knew it would be a hopeless effort, but I'd try as I had been trying for the past couple of days.

Just as I turned the TV off, I heard a soft knock on the door. I immediately froze. ...Who could it be this late at night?? No one ever comes to my house... I shrugged it off and went over to the door. I slowly turned the doorknob, but then quickly jerked the door wide open--that way, if it was some punk trying to come and start a fight with me, I'd be ready for him. But as my eyes fell upon the figure in my doorway, I felt a lump rise up in my throat. It wasn't some punk at all... It was her--the one I could never have.

_And roped me in _

_So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing_

_I am captivated_

"Hi...Brother," she said quietly. I could tell something was wrong; that was why she was here. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with tears. I knew I should just send her away and close the door, but I couldn't. It's not what I wanted to do at all. I wanted to pull her inside and hold her in my arms all night long...but I couldn't do that either.

"What are you doing here?" I finally said.

I saw the tears appear in her eyes once again. I hated that sight. "I had to leave. I couldn't stay with her anymore!" she exclaimed. I knew she was referring to our mother.

"Sara...you can't stay here. If she finds out, we may never get to see each other again! And anyway...didn't you hear everything I said before?!" I kept telling myself that no matter what she said or did, I couldn't give in. She could _not_ stay the night with me. ...It'd surely kill me.

"Yes, but...you didn't mean that. I know you didn't. Please...just this once. I'll never ask again, I swear. I have no where else to go!" she pleaded. God, I couldn't say no to that. I tried so hard, but that small word never came out. I could only motion for her to come inside.

_I am vindicated_

_I am selfish_

_I am wrong_

She quickly threw her arms around my neck and whispered a "thank you" in my ear. I wanted so bad to embrace her as well, but I stopped myself. I gently removed her arms from around my neck and saw the questioning look on her face. I simply shook my head.

"So what'd she do this time?" I asked as I closed the door behind us. I played it off nonchalantly, like I really wasn't that interested, but secretly, I was fuming. In my head, I was cursing our mother and swearing that if she had laid one hand on Sara, I'd kill her.

She shrugged. "Just the same old stuff. I just couldn't bear to listen to it any longer. I refuse to believe that you're a bad person." I stopped and stared at her. She stared back at me with those big, brown eyes and a small smile played on her lips.

I turned away from her stare and I could sense that she was disappointed in how I was acting towards her. Of course, I was too, but I was not going to change. I couldn't; this was the way it's supposed to be. We're brother and sister...and nothing more than that.

_I am right_

_I swear I'm right_

_I swear I knew it all along_

Changing the subject, I said, "Well, I guess you probably want to get some sleep. You can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep here on the couch."

"Are you sure? I'll sleep on the couch, I don't mind," she offered.

"No, you can have my bed. I usually end up sleeping on the couch anyway. Oh, and let me get you something to sleep in," I said as I walked off and entered my bedroom. After a couple of minutes or so, I came back with at least something.

"Here," I said as I handed it to her, "all I could find was this big t-shirt. Hope that's okay."

She smiled. "Yeah, that's fine." She then walked into my room to get changed. I sighed a sigh of relief and collapsed on the couch. I figured that if we could just go to sleep and get through the night, she could leave first thing in the morning and then it could be over. We could go back to our normal lives. We could still see each other once a month, but that's it and only as siblings.

_And I am flawed_

_But I am cleaning up so well_

_I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself_

Just then, she walked back into the living room and sat down beside me on the couch. I frowned as I saw that the t-shirt wasn't as big as I thought it was. That definitely wasn't helping.

"Brother, just think--when we're older and we graduate from high school, we won't have to be separated anymore. We can be with each other, just like this, all the time," she said quietly as she gently placed her hand on mine. But I pulled away.

"What's wrong? Don't you want that as well?" she asked innocently.

I instantly became aggravated. "Of course I want that! That's the problem, Sara! Don't you understand? We shouldn't want that! It's not right!"

_So clear_

_Like the diamond in your ring_

_Cut to mirror your intentions_

_Oversized and overwhelmed_

_The shine of which has caught my eye_

"But we do want it!" she exclaimed.

"Well, I'm going to put a stop to it! It won't go on like this, Sara. I won't allow it!"

Tears formed in her eyes once again, but this time they came because of me. "You...you're starting to sound like Mother."

I sighed. "Yeah, well,...maybe she's right."

She quickly stood up and turned away from me. "I'm going to bed now...if that's okay. Good night."

Before I could reply, she had left the room away from me and away from the truth.

_And rendered me _

_So isolated, so motivated_

_I am certain now that..._

I turned off the lights and laid back down on the couch. Closing my eyes, I attempted to turn my attention to other things, but that was clearly impossible. Only Sara remained in my mind.

Why do I think of her like I do? What causes these feelings I get around her? It's not normal... Normal siblings don't feel like this. So why me? Why us? It's not fair, God! It's not fair for me to love someone I can never have!

I hated everything that I had said to her earlier. I hated that I had to push her away and make her cry. But it was for her own good! I was just doing what was right...right?

_I am vindicated_

_I am selfish, I am wrong_

_I am right, I swear I'm right_

_I swear I knew it all along_

God, it was so hard knowing that she was just in the next room probably crying herself to sleep all because of me. Damn it... I'd do anything to be with her. I'd give anything to be her boyfriend rather than her brother.

I began to think, more like dream, about what it would be like if we weren't siblings. If we were actually dating... I've been thinking about that a lot lately. One thing is for certain, if she really was my girlfriend, I wouldn't have been alone on my couch right then...and she wouldn't have been alone in my bed either.

I shook my head as unwanted thoughts began to surface in my mind. There was no way I was going to get to sleep anytime soon. I reached over and turned the lamp on. I looked at the clock coming to the conclusion that once again, I'd have another sleepless night. It was already about one in the morning.

_And I am flawed_

_But I am cleaning up so well_

_I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself_

I sat up and decided to go check on Sara. I was just going to take one look at her--that was all. I just wanted to make sure that she had gotten to sleep. I told myself all this and tried to force myself to believe it, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I'd walk in there and I wouldn't be able to leave. I'd end up watching her sleep all night long.

I slowly and quietly opened the door to my bedroom. A strand of light from the hallway fell upon the bed and I could just make out her sleeping figure. I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. I couldn't take my eyes off of her... Why'd she have to be so damn beautiful?!

The memory of the one time I actually kissed her returned to me. I gently traced my finger across her lips as I remembered the feeling the kiss had given me. Everything was silent at that time... There was only Sara's soft, steady breathing and my pounding heart.

_So turn_

_Up the corners of your lips_

_Part them, and feel my fingertips_

_Trace the moment, fall forever_

I still don't know how it happened, but somehow, I found myself curled up against her sleeping body. I slid my arm around her waist and buried my face in her silky hair taking in her sweet scent. I gently nuzzled her neck and kissed along her jaw line.

As I did so, I saw the corners of her lips turn up into a smile. I felt her stir a bit in my arms but I hoped she wouldn't wake up. I wanted to stay like that forever. Kira's words replayed in my mind: "Your love is so deep you nearly drown in it." Damn it, why did he have to be right?

Still sleeping, she rolled over and was now face to face with me. I couldn't stand it... Her body pressed up against me; her lips barely inches away from mine--shit, this was so screwed up. I'm getting excited over my little sister!

But even though I knew how messed up it was, I was enjoying that moment no matter what. I knew another time like that probably wouldn't come for a while, and it shouldn't come at all, so I decided to try to make it last. I took my one chance and softly pressed my lips against hers.

_Defense is paper thin_

_Just one touch and I'd be in _

_Too deep now to ever swim against the current_

_So let me slip away_

Just as our lips parted, Sara's eyes slowly fluttered open. It took her a few seconds to realize what was going on, but as soon as she did, I quickly released her from my embrace and moved away from her.

"Brother...," she whispered.

I turned my head away. Why did she have to call me that? She reached out to me and gently placed her hand on my cheek.

"I do love you, you know," she said.

I reached up and held her hand against my face a few seconds longer before pushing it away. "Don't tell me that...please."

"I can't help it," she said, "It's true. You love me, too...so why do you insist on pushing me away?"

"Because it's the right thing to do! You should push me away as well! Sara...we can't get too close. If we do, I'll never be able to fight it." These words came out of my mouth, but she knew just as well as I did that we were already too close.

_I am vindicated_

_I am selfish, I am wrong_

_I am right, I swear I'm right_

_I swear I knew it all along_

Going against what I had just said, I moved closer to her again and we both embraced each other.

"I do love you," I whispered. "But why? Why us? Why do we feel like this?"

"All I know is that I don't want to be with anyone else but you, brother."

"I know. But you can't be with me. You should be dating guys, not curled up in the bed with your older brother," I explained. But as I thought about what I said, I chuckled a bit. "I say this, and at the same time, I know that if I ever saw you with anyone else, I'd go crazy."

She smiled and squeezed me tighter. "Can we stay together just this one night? I know it's wrong, but please...just like this, just this once," she said.

I sighed. Could I say no? Of course not. "Just this once," I said.

_And I am flawed_

_But I am cleaning up so well_

_I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself_

After only a few minutes, Sara fell right back asleep as if nothing was or ever had been wrong. How can she be so calm about everything? It didn't make sense... I was still immensely conflicted.

But at the same time, in that one position that one night, I felt strangely at peace. The question arose in my mind: If this was so wrong, then why did it feel so right? I only feel alright with Sara. I only and will always only love her--no one else in the entire world can ever compare to her. No feeling I could ever feel could compare with this one. Was it really so wrong?

Something told me to forget about that for a while and just enjoy the night while it lasted. I listened; it seemed like the right thing to do. Maybe God will forgive us one day... With that one hope in my mind, I found myself finally drifting off to sleep.

_Slight hope..._

_It dangles on a string_

_Like slow-spinning redemption..._

* * *

The end!! I actually like that. Short, sweet little piece. I hope the song I picked fits well enough. It was a tough decision for me picking the song. One of my other choices was "Silver and Cold" by AFI. But in the end, I settled on this one cuz it just fits the best, I think. Setsuna and Sara's relationship totally interests me. I mean, it's not like I'm into incest or anything, but it's just really weird. I'm really excited to continue reading the manga cuz I just wanna see how it's all gonna play out. I think they're so cute together and definitely should hook up, but how in the world would they do that unless they just go against God?? I don't know; I'd like to think that the series has some surprises hidden up it's sleeve. I'll just have to read and see! Well, I hope ya'll liked this! Please read and review! Ja ne! 


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